Toilet Etiquette

tp1

I know, I know. Do adults really need advice on toilet etiquette? In my experience, yes. Plus, it is kinda funny. If you personally don’t need this, just skip reading it, or forward it to someone you know who does.

  1. The seat, up or down? Usually down, but when in doubt, leave it as you found it.
  2. Hands. Always, always, always wash your hands. There is no excuse for not washing your hands. No towel? Wipe your hands on your pants. No soap? Warm water is better than nothing. No water? Make sure the toilet flushed.
  3. What’s your number? Generally speaking, try to avoid dropping a bomb at someone else’s house. If you absolutely cannot make your bowels wait, poo considerately. Turn on the fan or open a window. Use a little air freshener. And by all means, if you’re known for the, er, size of your deposits, engage in a little preemptive flushing midway through. It may be embarrassing to be heard to flush twice, but it is mortifying to be heard using the plunger. Read the rest of this entry »
Advertisements

I’m OK. You’re OK. But not as OK as me.

Due to the number of people I interact with on a day-to-day basis, the following topic has been on my mind very frequently: I don’t like most people.

Now, before you get all riled up about what a sad and lonely person I must be, let me set the record straight: I have many good friends, people I care about and enjoy spending time with, and who I think feel the same way about me. My social calendar is just fine, and my life is not devoid of love or meaning.

That being said, I don’t really like most people I come into contact with each day. I don’t dislike them, but I don’t particularly like them, either. I can’t imagine hanging out with them, or wanting to be their friend on Facebook, or really even sustaining a mildly interesting conversation with them. I honestly would rather avoid them altogether. Maybe I have prudent and discriminating taste in friends. Or maybe I’m an ass.

A few days ago, though, I had an epiphany. There must be people who feel the same way about me! “WHAT!?!,” I thought to myself, “How could anyone not like me?”

It is true, though. I probably interact with several people each day who don’t really care for me. Not because I’m a bad person (I’m not), or because I stink (I have excellent hygiene, thank you), or because I’m obnoxiously loud (I’m actually rather soft-spoken). It’s just because we have wildly dissimilar interests, beliefs, senses of humor, world outlooks, choice of books, clothing styles, or whatever. It could be ANYTHING! Or nothing! When I meet someone I don’t like, I have to remind myself that they very well may not like me either, and there’s very little I can do about it. Sure, I can be polite and attentive, but good manners don’t instantly forge a bond of friendship. All I can do is try my best to get through the encounter with grace and professionalism, and not get upset that we’re not BFFs or that his/her voice grates on my last nerve. It’ll be over soon and I can go home to the one who truly understands me and never annoys me — my dog.